When I was a teenager, I used to dream that I could get married at the age of 20 and hold a fancy wedding party in a grand ballroom of a five-star hotel where I could share so-called my happiness as a bride. I was so unrealistic back then, why? I never thought that getting married was as not simple as browsing Melania Trump's newest fashion stuffs on the internet, of course when you have 4G internet access.
As I was entering the 21st year of my existence in this world, I often did a lot of so-called "deep thinking". I know it may be hyperbolic, but yes it is true. I did think deeply, metaphorically. I thought a lot of things about life, reflected every single silly thing that I did in the past--and laughed at it, and tried to keep it in my mind so that I won't do the same mistakes in the future. One of the things that I thought at that time was about "marriage".
I used to think that marriage was just as a commitment to be together in good times and bad times, in a legal status approved by your religion and our country--in my humble opinion. Then, I also thought that if possible--mark these words, I would have to get married as fast as I could. I did not want to be called as, sorry, a spinster because the society around me still holds a conservative view about a woman who has not got married yet even though she's already seen to be mature and wealthy enough to get married. Due to this fact, people around her will also mock her family for being an ignorant family since they think that her family never tries to "push" her to get somebody to love or becomes a matchmaker for their mature-and-wealthy daughter.
A friend of mine who has got married told me that marriage is not merely a commitment to be in good times and bad times together, but it implies more than that. Marriage is not only to be present in any kind of situation and just say "That's OK, I am with you". Nope, we need to make sure that our presence in someone else who we call as "spouse" supports us by giving not only affectionate words like "Baby, you can do it!", or "I love you, we can go through this together", or "Hold my hand, I will be here for you for good times and bad times", but also real actions that really support us to handle every situation.
For example, there is a woman who has just given birth to her child, she will automatically learn how to take care of her child because a lot of people in our society still think that taking care of children at home is exclusively destined for a woman. Yet, my question is "Is taking care of a child the exclusive job for a mother?". I say NO! It is because a child needs affection from and sharing with both mother and father. If a child is only raised only by a mother, he or she will probably not get the affection that a father gives and receive advice from a father's point of view and vice versa (however, it would be different if someone has to play two roles at the same time as a mother and a father).
Then, my friends, in my inner circle, who have not got married told me that nowadays getting married is now less important than becoming successful by your own. Marriage, then, is placed in the following rank of their life priority. A few of them told me that we need to be successful first before we decide to get married. The standards of being successful, according to them, is being able to get degrees as high as we can, work based on what we are passionate about in life and travel as many places as possible. I really understand their views about it because my friends are all millenials, so am I. Millenials, experts say, tend to seek for their own passion and life achievement rather than doing boring and structured stuffs.
Although marriage is placed in the following ranks, they do not think that marriage is not important. They said to me that they still want and need to get married. Even, they said to me that the values of marriage itself grow better and stronger within themselves. They value marriage more since they become more selective in choosing a life partner. It is undeniable since they have experienced the struggles in stepping their own life ladder to reach their success. Besides, they also thought that they do not want to get married as soon as possible. "Marriage is not a race", they said. They thought so because they saw a lot of couple who decided to get married as soon as possible failed in keeping the marriage. Yet, it doesn't mean that they only saw the people who failed, they certainly also saw those who are successful. Even, they secretly keep the strategies how to make their marriage last forever in their mind.
From the views that my friends shared to me, I can conclude that marriage is a kind of support system where two people, a man and a woman, take their own roles to fill each other's life. It is not only an affectionate-or-romantic-words-making-machine that probably will be out of date if there is another machine that has more sophisticated features. Besides becoming a part of support system in a marriage, we also need to seek for our own version of being successful. What we have done in life in chasing their dreams will affect how we will act later our own marriage life. A couple that struggles more in chasing their dreams will choose to spend the same energy that they have spent when making their dreams come true. Finally, based on these reasons that are supported by my friends, I have changed my teenage-like perception about marriage. Marriage is more than just a commitment to be together, but it is something that requires a great team work between a husband and a wife in keeping the marriage and it should involve our great dedication like when we try to chase our dreams. Don't be in a rush in making decision, because "Marriage is not a race".
As I was entering the 21st year of my existence in this world, I often did a lot of so-called "deep thinking". I know it may be hyperbolic, but yes it is true. I did think deeply, metaphorically. I thought a lot of things about life, reflected every single silly thing that I did in the past--and laughed at it, and tried to keep it in my mind so that I won't do the same mistakes in the future. One of the things that I thought at that time was about "marriage".
I used to think that marriage was just as a commitment to be together in good times and bad times, in a legal status approved by your religion and our country--in my humble opinion. Then, I also thought that if possible--mark these words, I would have to get married as fast as I could. I did not want to be called as, sorry, a spinster because the society around me still holds a conservative view about a woman who has not got married yet even though she's already seen to be mature and wealthy enough to get married. Due to this fact, people around her will also mock her family for being an ignorant family since they think that her family never tries to "push" her to get somebody to love or becomes a matchmaker for their mature-and-wealthy daughter.
A friend of mine who has got married told me that marriage is not merely a commitment to be in good times and bad times together, but it implies more than that. Marriage is not only to be present in any kind of situation and just say "That's OK, I am with you". Nope, we need to make sure that our presence in someone else who we call as "spouse" supports us by giving not only affectionate words like "Baby, you can do it!", or "I love you, we can go through this together", or "Hold my hand, I will be here for you for good times and bad times", but also real actions that really support us to handle every situation.
For example, there is a woman who has just given birth to her child, she will automatically learn how to take care of her child because a lot of people in our society still think that taking care of children at home is exclusively destined for a woman. Yet, my question is "Is taking care of a child the exclusive job for a mother?". I say NO! It is because a child needs affection from and sharing with both mother and father. If a child is only raised only by a mother, he or she will probably not get the affection that a father gives and receive advice from a father's point of view and vice versa (however, it would be different if someone has to play two roles at the same time as a mother and a father).
Then, my friends, in my inner circle, who have not got married told me that nowadays getting married is now less important than becoming successful by your own. Marriage, then, is placed in the following rank of their life priority. A few of them told me that we need to be successful first before we decide to get married. The standards of being successful, according to them, is being able to get degrees as high as we can, work based on what we are passionate about in life and travel as many places as possible. I really understand their views about it because my friends are all millenials, so am I. Millenials, experts say, tend to seek for their own passion and life achievement rather than doing boring and structured stuffs.
Although marriage is placed in the following ranks, they do not think that marriage is not important. They said to me that they still want and need to get married. Even, they said to me that the values of marriage itself grow better and stronger within themselves. They value marriage more since they become more selective in choosing a life partner. It is undeniable since they have experienced the struggles in stepping their own life ladder to reach their success. Besides, they also thought that they do not want to get married as soon as possible. "Marriage is not a race", they said. They thought so because they saw a lot of couple who decided to get married as soon as possible failed in keeping the marriage. Yet, it doesn't mean that they only saw the people who failed, they certainly also saw those who are successful. Even, they secretly keep the strategies how to make their marriage last forever in their mind.
From the views that my friends shared to me, I can conclude that marriage is a kind of support system where two people, a man and a woman, take their own roles to fill each other's life. It is not only an affectionate-or-romantic-words-making-machine that probably will be out of date if there is another machine that has more sophisticated features. Besides becoming a part of support system in a marriage, we also need to seek for our own version of being successful. What we have done in life in chasing their dreams will affect how we will act later our own marriage life. A couple that struggles more in chasing their dreams will choose to spend the same energy that they have spent when making their dreams come true. Finally, based on these reasons that are supported by my friends, I have changed my teenage-like perception about marriage. Marriage is more than just a commitment to be together, but it is something that requires a great team work between a husband and a wife in keeping the marriage and it should involve our great dedication like when we try to chase our dreams. Don't be in a rush in making decision, because "Marriage is not a race".
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