Hayuwardhani

Berfikir lagi, menangis lagi, menyendu-nyendukan diri kembali. Terjebak di kebutaan hati. Terperosok tanpa arah tujuan di keheningan malam yang sunyi. Berselimutkan dinginnya angin malam yang seolah menusuk hingga relung hati. Butuh kehangatan dan cahaya pijaran meski setitik. Tapi? Bisakah aku menemukannya? Bahkan aku tak tahu kini ada dimana, sunyi, gelap, buta! Apa yang kau fikirkan, ha? Masa bodoh kau mau fikirkan tentangku, tentangnya atau tentang sesuatu yang berbisik dari kejauhan memanggil-manggil syahdu namamu di kesunyian malam. Aku tak ingin kau fikirkan, bahkan kau rasakan. Karena aku bukanlah sebotol sambal yang bisa kau tuang, kau colek, kau makan dengan lahap. Itu bukan aku! Aku lebih berharga dari sebotol sambal bermerek abjad berurutan yang biasa kau santap! Persetan dengan kau yang menganggapku laiknya sebotol sambal.. Kau persetan! Aku sombong, dan aku bahagia dengan kesombonganku.. Aku bangga aku menjadi emas diantara kotoran-kotoran sapi yang tercecer dihalaman...

Have you ever hear this song? Just hearing.. I mean, not 'listen' it. I'm sure that you already listen this song.. Why did I say 'hearing' and 'listening' ? Because I wanna open your mind about 'hearing' and 'listening'.. Both of these activities using ear to recognizing the song.. But, listening and hearing are different! If you think that listening and hearing are same activities, you totally wronged.. Please use your mind to understand how listening and hearing is totally DIFFERENT.. Ok, back to the topic. We talk about 'The World Behind My Wall'. I dunno why Tokio Hotel made the lyrics feels like we're on the case. We're on the situation. Check on the lyrics : It's raining today The blinds are shut It's always the same I tried all the games that they play But they made me insane Life on TV It's random It means nothing to me I'm writing down What I cannot see Wanna wake up in a dream [Chorus:] Oh Th...

Avril Lavigne - Wish You Were Here [Verse 1:] I can be tough I can be strong But with you It's not like that at all There's a girl That gives a shit Behind this wall You just walked through it [Pre-Chorus:] And I remember all those crazy things you said You left them running through my head You're always there, you're everywhere But right now I wish you were here. All those crazy things we did Didn't think about it, just went with it You're always there, you're everywhere But right now I wish you were here [Chorus:] Damn, Damn, Damn, What I'd do to have you Here, here, here I wish you were here. Damn, Damn, Damn What I'd do to have you Near, near, near I wish you were here. [Verse 2:] I love The way you are It's who I am Don't have to try hard We always say Say it like it is And the truth Is that I really mi-I-iss [Pre-Chorus:] All those crazy things you said (things you said) You left them running through my head (through my head) You...

You know what.. Everyday I listen to this song.. It has deep meaning for me... Let you go for your duty, let you go for 'OUR' future soon... I realize that you're not mine 100%... You're owned by this red-white country.. But I also have a part of you, a part of your life, a part of your soul... But we're separate by the distance now.. I believe, after you get your own ambition, your dreams.. I'll take a chance to having you, loving you with all of my feeling.. I love you, may Allah always hug you and bless you there.......  Pergilah kasih, kejarlah keinginanmu Selagi masih ada waktu Jangan hiraukan diriku Aku rela berpisah, demi untuk dirimu Semoga tercapai segala keinginanmu 

Beautiful Handwriting, Lettering and Calligraphy (clipped to polyvore.com )

I have an unforgettable experience in my life. Actually, I’m scared of telling this story, because it was a horrible experience. It happened on 7th of July 2009. The story started from when My grandmother, my mother and I were walking on the Balapan's station at Solo, Central Java. We were having a short holiday in that city. It has planned since two weeks before we got the holiday, and I’m really excited about that plan. I'm bored of my holiday because I just spend all of my time at home. We used train again to go back Jogjakarta. We used another carriage, but still same, a Pramex Train. Before I entered the carriage, I felt something that I can't explain on my deepest heart. I was so scared. I didn’t know how I could feel so scared. It might be a hunch. In my mind, I was thinking of what happened after this. I was thinking of a child who sat behind me. I didn't know why I felt so worried of him. Suddenly, I heard a loud sound. It was a bad sound I have ever ...

There's only so many songs that I can sing To pass the time And I'm running out of things to do To get you off my mind Oooh... All I have is this picture in a frame That I hold close to see your face everyday With you is where I'd rather be But we're stuck where we are And it's so hard, you're so far This long distance is killing me I wish that you were here with me But we're stuck where we are And it's so hard, you're so far This long distance is killing me It's so hard, it's so hard Where we are, where we are You're so far This long distance is killing me It's so hard, it's so hard Where we are, where we are You're so far This long distance is killing me Now the minutes feel like hours And the hours feel like days While I'm away Ya know right now I can't be home But I'm coming home soon Coming home soon All I have is this picture in a frame That I hold close to see your face ...

Aku takut. Sangat takut. Ingin kuperlambat waktu, ingin rasanya aku freeze waktu agar aku bisa menghirup nafas ketidakhawatiranku terhadap kewajibannya yang cepat atau lambat pasti akan ia kerjakan. Kau bisa rasakan, bagaimana aku yang saat ini hanya terpaut 30 km darinya merasa tidak kuat dan merasa kesepian, apalagi ketika aku harus berhadapan dengan kenyataan yang sesungguhnya. Menuju ke 'hidup sebenarnya' pada 2013. Ya, 2013 banyak sekali kemungkinan-kemungkinan yang terjadi. Ia akan menuju ke kota lain untuk kuliah lagi, lalu... Penempatan? Hmmm, itu yang sangat ku khawatirkan saat ini. Aku begitu lemah untuk menghadapi kata 'penempatan'. Jantungku terasa terhenti ketika aku tahu hal itu akan terjadi. Kau rasakan saja apa yang kurasakan kini, hanya perlu memahami skrip dan melakoninya. Bayangkan, ketika kau ditinggal pergi orang yang sangat kau kasihi.. Apa yang kau pikirkan selain khawatir? Aku bukan khawatir akan cintanya padaku, Karena aku memberikan keperca...

Ya, bernafas untuknya. Untuk dia yang selalu kunanti. Dia yang selalu kudoakan setelah aku berdoa untuk orang tuaku. Setiap nafas yang telah kuhela, terbersit dan tersimpan dalam memori otakku akan kabarmu disana. Kau mungkin tak akan mengerti gejolak apa yang kurasakan ketika aku menghela nafas. Aku mungkin memang terlalu berlebihan untuk memikirkannya. Aku selalu merasakan "Apakah ia yang kucinta bisa bernafas bebas tanpa sesak merenggut dada disana?". Ya, sedikit cerita. Aku memiliki sebagian dari dirinya. Dirinya yang kucinta. Seorang taruna tingkat 4 di Akademi Militer Magelang. Lelaki itu bernama Ahmad. Ya, Ahmad. Namun aku selalu memanggilnya Bang untuk menghormati dan mengasihinya. Aku berkata pada kau bahwa aku 'memiliki sebagian dari dirinya'. You know what I mean? I mean I just have about a half of his 'heart', a half of his 'time'. Yes, because another half again it dedicates for this red-white country. Ya, kau bisa bilang bahwa aku didua...

Pernahkah suatu malam kau sendiri? Menangis sendu diruang rindu tanpa memperdulikan waktu yang berlalu? Bila kau tak pernah, aku kasihani kau. Itu berarti kau tak pernah merasakan kesedihan. Hey, kesedihan itu adalah bagian dari plot hidup yang harus kita jalani selama masih ada hayat dikandung badan! Maka bila kau tak bisa merasakan kesedihan, aku hanya ingin mentertawakanmu, mencacimu dan membuatmu berfikir. Bahagialah kau punya kesedihan, karena kesedihan adalah prolog dari sebuah kebahagiaan yang kita inginkan. Apa kebahagiaan yang kau inginkan? Apakah rumah, mobil, perhiasan emas, atau investasi bertriliyun-triliyun? Aku katakan itu semua omong kosong. Bullshit. Fikirkan ulang, ketika bencana menghadapimu sementara kau hanya punya 'kebahagiaan' yang aku bilang itu Bullshit. Semuanya akan musnah, hancur lebur ditumbuk situasi. Apakah rumah akan melindungimu dari ledakan gas Elpiji 3kilo? Apakah mobil dapat membawamu ke surga? Apakah perhiasaan emas yang kau pakai diangg...

You know what I'm feeling right now? What I'm feeling about someone out there.. Someone who always fill in my heart, complete my life and living 24 hours in my heart. Yes, I'm thinking of you. Thinking what things that you might done. Thinking of you always be alright and on Allah's embrace.  It's you, my lovely man. Maybe I can be tough. Maybe I can be faithful, maybe I can be strong, maybe I can be happy. But inside of me? There's one big hole, a hole that make me feel so empty, make me feel so sad. It because miles, I don't know how many distance separate us, but I still can feel your love here, even though sometimes I felt so lonely without you in here. Yes, I wish you were here. I wish you hear me whispering in the dark night, I wish you feel my embrace, I wish you know.. That I'll wait you.. I'll wait you BEHIND the ACADEMY WALL..